Feb 8, 2007 7:33 pm US/Central
Understanding The Stages Of Love
by Jeanette Trompeter
(WCCO)
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It's working your way through topics including money, sex, children and in-laws. When you've figured this process out, you're headed toward true intimacy.
CBS
Most of us know what it feels like to meet someone and feel that instant spark. We call it chemistry and most relationship experts said it's important, as is understanding the stages of love.
Psychologist and best-selling author John Friel said we definitely want to be looking for certain qualities in a person, but physical attraction should accompany stage one.
So someone's captured your attention. The more you get to know them, the more you find you have in common. You discover similarities and you're now in stage two.
Eventually your initial intrigue must share brain space with your long-term expectations. You start negotiating needs in stage three and things start to get interesting.
"That's where you start negotiating time together, time apart, messy versus neat, intellectual versus more emotional, all those things that have to be negotiated and those always have to be negotiated in every new relationship," Friel said.
Friel meets a lot of couples in this stage, because it's where a lot of relationships get stuck.
Friel said you have to learn how to speak up -- without lashing out -- and compromising without losing your identity.
It's working your way through topics including money, sex, children and in-laws. When you've figured this process out, you're headed toward true intimacy.
"Intimacy is not for the faint of heart, because by definition, it means sharing things that cause you anxiety, or shame or potential hurt," Friel said.
Friel said it usually takes a minimum of six to nine months to really begin working through stage three. For some couples it can take years.
When and if you reach true intimacy where you can be honest, open and respectful of each other's vulnerabilities, you head toward the final stage of mutuality.
(© MMVII, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.)
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