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Feb 22, 2007 7:25 pm US/Central
Expert: A Sexless Marriage Is Not A Marriage
by Jeanette Trompeter
(WCCO)
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Marriage is by definition a sexual relationship, and if sex has gone by the wayside, so too has the marriage. (File)
CBS
We joke about it, talk about it and definitely think about it often. We see it almost every time we turn on the television or go to a movie.
The sensitive subject of choice for this edition of WCCO 4 News At 5's February series focusing on relationships can be summed up on a single word.
Sex.
Society is preoccupied with sex, but the reality is many people who ought to be enjoying it the most often are actually doing it the least, according to experts.
"A couple's sex life is the number one best barometer of how well their marriage is going," said Dr. John Friel, psychologist and bestselling author.
Marriage, he says, is by definition a sexual relationship, and if sex has gone by the wayside, so too has the marriage. If you are in a sexless marriage, "you can't call it a marriage. You can call it a friendship. You can call it a working, parenting relationship."
Couples with two jobs, two cars and two kids say they're often too tired, too stressed and too bored when they do manage to find one-on-one time.
"They're really good business partners in the business of shuttling their kids from one hockey game to the next, going to band practices, making sure homework gets done," said Friel, who stressed letting a marriage's sex life die shouldn't be an option for those who want to stay happily married, "because it isn't about sex. It's about being connected and about nurturing each other."
Intimacy, said Friel, is not just found between the sheets but in the day to day details of life. If a couple does not nurture each other in that process, the connection in the bedroom will eventually suffer.
"The research all shows that a good sex life is the glue that holds a couple together," said Friel.
Another barometer of how intimate we are is how we argue ... or, for that matter, how we
don't argue, according to Friel. Every relationship has its share of conflict, and expressing it is key to building a healthy relationship.
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