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  • Apr 28, 2008 7:26 am US/Central
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Different Coaching: Teaching Parents To Behave

Reporting
Terri Gruca
(WCCO) For parents, sitting on the sidelines at your children's games rarely means "sitting".  It can be tough to keep your emotions in check.
In late January, Wade Campbell was found guilty of making terroristic threats after he threatened to kill his son's little league coach.

 Situations like that are still rare, but there's a new movement to keep parents like Lori Tillman from running afoul.

 "I just was so shocked by what was coming out of my mouth, and not actually realizing it when it happened," said Tillman.

 She said it wasn't until she heard herself on a recording of her son's game that she knew she was out of control.

 "I was yelling at my son, 'Get up, get up,' and I watched the video after and I thought -- am I yelling at my son to get up because I want him to get up and go after this kid? Or, am I yelling at him because I wanted him to get out of the way?" said Tillman.

 It scared her. Worse yet, it embarrassed and disappointed her son.

 "He's looking at me like 'Mom, I wish you wouldn't yell.' Therefore, light bulb!" she said.

 Unfortunately, Tillman's not alone. Even parents who think they are not over-reacting may be sending the wrong message to their kids.

 "In some cases, children didn't want to play on the left side of the field cause the parents were down there," said Jonathan Tudor, Director of Coaching for CC United Soccer for Chaska and Chanhassen.

 "I've seen a lot of parents that forget the real meaning of what youth sports is all about.  They get distracted by winning and by scoring," he said.

 Tudor spent a year on the sidelines studying parents and fans. He didn't like what he saw.

 "Their child would come off the filed and their parents would focus on 'Did you win?' and 'Did you score?' and the child did a million and one other things that were absolutely fantastic, but didn't get the praise as the goal scorer," said Tudor.

 This year Tudor and CC United are working to change that with a program called PACT. It stands for "Parents and Coaches Together". The program was developed by University of Minnesota professor Nicole Lavoi.

 "We really want to deal with making the climate in youth soccer a little better in Minnesota," said Lavoi. She tailors the program to individual communities like Chaska, interviewing coaches, parents and children.

 "When you talk about it from the child's perspective in terms of what do children see and how can we do this together, and get people talking, people get really excited about it," she said.

 The children in the CC United program don't know their parents have gone through the training.

 "Because I'm going to ask them at the end of the season if they noticed a change," said Tudor.

 Sportsmanship trainer Frank White runs a similar program for other schools and organizations.

 "As an official, I kept seeing things happening at ball games that were getting worse," said White. He would know, having been involved in sports over 45 years as a player, coach and official.

 His "Respect Sports" program is a result of everything he's learned.

 White said one of the reasons parents seem to be more fervent fans in today's society is we've become a "me" world, meaning "me and my kids".

 "People are just concerned about themselves.  So I think what's happened is that's moved over into sports and what we've done is, it's so important again for people to believe that you have to win at no matter what age," said White.

 Parent participation is also at an all-time high. Along with that, Lori Tillman worries kids on the field are losing the ability to problem solve on their own.

 "Do they learn about fair play if the parent is always hollering? You don't learn a lot. You just tune out," she said.

 In the stands, it can be just as hard to tune out overzealous parents. Some advice?

 "You maybe pull them over to the side and say, you know, are you really sure the things that you said tonight are the things you really mean, because we're here to support kids again," said White.

 For more resources on coaching parents how to behave on the sidelines, click on the links below.
 Parents and Coaches Together (PACT)
Minnesota PLAYS: Parents Learning About Youth Sport
Respect Sports
Minnesota Youth Sport Research Consortium

 

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