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Sex And Marriage: Try 'Doing It' 101 Days Straight

(WCCO) We live in a world that bombards us with sexual images. At Victoria's Secret, sex sells but it's not just women behind the sales pitch. There are the posters at retailers like Abercrombie and Hollister that show shirtless young men.

And don't forget about scandal. A sex scandal like the infamous October 2005 Minnesota Vikings boat scandal generated incredible press and interest. Eventually, both Dante Culpepper and Moe Williams were charged with receiving lap dances and fondling women.

But try to talk frankly about sex and marriage; that's not easy according to University of St. Thomas relationship expert Carol Bruess.

"Sex, I think, remains a taboo topic because often what happens behind a closed door connotes that we should keep it behind the closed door in conversation as well," she said.

Married couples' sex lives are bit of a rollercoaster ride. It usually starts out rocking and rolling.

"Young married couples are having sex on average about twice a week, maybe a little more, maybe a little less, but on average about twice a week," said Bruess.

However, that pace slows to a waltz the longer were married. Bruess said couples in their 70s have sex about once a month or just an average of about 16 times a year.

Divorce rates peak at about eight years into a marriage when couples are having and raising children. The next divorce spike is when parents become empty-nesters. Both are directly related to what is known as child-centered marriages.

"We spend so much of our intention and energy on our kids and we take for granted that our spouse will always be there and will maintain an emotional connection," said Bruess.

Married nearly 14 years, both working hard in careers, and raising two children, Doug and Annie Brown from Boulder, Colo. knew their relationship and sex life had changed over the years.

Doug is a sex and relationship reporter with the Denver Post newspaper. One day he told Annie about a group of married men in Denmark. These men didn't have sex with their wives for at least 100 days and would then get together to lament the lack of intimacy in so-called "100 Day Clubs."

The Browns decided to do the opposite and have sex for 101 days straight.

"It was my beautiful wife Annie's brilliant idea," said Doug.

It went from a passing comment to a real life experiment, a commitment to be together. Doug said it led to different behavior at home.

"We'd take showers and get clean. Annie would wear lipstick and lingerie, and I wouldn't wear my ratty old sweatpants," recalled Doug.

The Brown's concept certainly generated some interesting conversation with Minnesota couples. Jeff and Terri Hayden have been married nine years and have two children.

"I think that's a lot of work and would be really tired," said Terri.

"I think that's fantastic. I'd like to try that out and see how far I get," responded Jeff.

"You've got to have quality. If you want 30 second rounds, that's OK. I could do it for 101 nights but there's no joy," said Mike Cumming, who is married to wife Marla and has three children.

"We're probably just tired and not enough time to connect. Because there's so many other people in line before. We try to be together by the end of it we're both so tired that we're like yeah whatever," said Marla.

Carrie Voda revealed the sometime evening ritual of her husband Matt.

"And you would have to not bring your laptop to bed at night. No more ménage à trois with the laptop, right?" said Carrie.

Matt admitted that his laptop joins them in bed so he can do work at night.

"Obviously having sex is important, but it's bigger than that. It's having the time with each other," added Carrie.

And that's what the Browns discovered. Their 101-day experiment led to much more than sexual satisfaction.

"During this whole marathon we couldn't put the kids to bed and then just hop in the sack and do it. We had to like get in the mood. We had to talk to each other and take care of each other," said Doug.

Bruess thinks the Brown's are brilliant because they put the intention back in their marriage. Sex was their vehicle, but she said you could improve your relationship by committing to having breakfast together every day. Be mindful of one another and work to maintain the relationship.

"That's one of the most important lessons that they teach us, is that your marriage is up to you. Your marriage is what you make it and they decided to change theirs," said Bruess.

 

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