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Path To Pregnancy: Couples Deal With Infertility

(WCCO) For one in eight couples one of the most natural things in the world doesn't come naturally. No matter how hard they try, infertility is a fact of life.

Michele Tafoya used to be a WCCO-TV sports anchor before hitting the sidelines on "Monday Night Football."

Tafoya certainly has a successful career but success in her private life has been a lot harder to come by.

She gives us a look at the very personal story of her struggle with infertility.


As I read a story to my son, I feel awfully lucky. My husband and I love being parents, but we didn't always feel so fortunate.

Mark and I got married in 2000 and tried to start a family a couple years later. After a year of trying and two miscarriages, we started seeing a fertility specialist. Part of the problem: I was older, and so were my eggs.

Dr. Paul Kuneck, our fertility specialist, helped us try in vitro fertilization, IVF, right away. The first time it worked. I was pregnant with twin boys, but 12 weeks along I miscarried. Again.

Our second IVF attempt didn't take. When we were ready to start the third cycle with donor eggs, I became pregnant with Tyler, finally, miraculously, the old fashioned way.

I love being a Mom, but I still wince when I think about my path to parenthood. I really thought I was going to get married and have children without any problems.

I recently sat down with three couples who've all tried in vitro fertilization: Jeff and Kyndell Harkness, Mike and Heather Felt, Jon and Kristin Stepan. I asked them to tell me about their experiences.

"We had two (IVF) attempts and they were a no go, so we're sort of in the process of making a decision about," said Kyndell Harkness.

"What's our next step?" said Jeff Harkness.

Mike and Heather Felt went through a three-year struggle to get pregnant and were unsuccessful with IVF.

"I didn't respond at all to any of the drugs that I had been taking," Heather Felt said.

"If the goal is to become parents and to provide a home for children, there are other ways to get that destination," said Mike Felt.

"We've adopted two very healthy beautiful kids from Colombia and they're our own miracles," said Heather Felt.

Jon and Kristin Stepan got lucky right away with IVF.

"We transferred two embryos which resulted in Kalla, our four year old," said Kristin Stepan. Unsure how long a second attempt might take, they tried IVF again six months later.

"We just had unexpected great results," said Kristin Stepan. "Now we have twins."

Graham and Morgan are three years old.

One in eight couples struggle to become parents. I asked our couples what was hardest part was for them.

"Just feeling like everyone around us everywhere we went had a child," said Heather Felt. "You felt like you were being bombarded by the thing you wanted the most."

"I wasn't really prepared for people to come up so timidly, so on pins and needles, almost afraid to bring the subject up," said Jeff Harkness.

I then asked if any of them could remember a time when some well-meaning loved ones inadvertently said something hurtful.

"Friends going through pregnancy saying 'Oh I wouldn't wish this on anyone, you should be glad that you're not going through this right now,' when it's all you want," said Heather Felt.

"Oh, 'Try adopting! As soon as you adopt people get pregnant,'" said Kristen Stepan.

"I think we've all heard some great advice, 'Just relax,' 'Maybe you should go on a trip,'" said Mike Felt.

"'You're trying too hard," added Heather Felt.

So how should people support friends and family who are having a tough time getting pregnant? Mike Felt's advice? No advice.

"I would do away from the advice," he said. "Unless you're wearing a white lab coat and you have an M.D. after your name."

Jeff Harkness agreed, "No advice, just support. Support is just being there."

"If they had a plan for fun for us, that's good," said Kyndell Harkness.

"I just remember going excessively through with everybody, 'What is artificial insemination? What is in vitro?' And it gets old," said Heather Felt. "For people to do some of their own homework, that's helpful."

For other couples struggling with infertility, the group's advice was simple. Try.

"Just go, just do it, get started, just take the plunge and find a clinic and start talking to people," said Jeff Harkness. "Start talking to professionals."

If you do seek help, you'll improve your chances of getting what you want: A child to love and to chase around for the next 20 years.

It's worth it when you finally succeed but the emotional ups and downs of trying can be agonizing.

It was so brutal for my husband and me. We're not doing the whole IVF thing again. We're in the process of adopting our next child.

As for IVF, nationally, for women under 35, IVF results in a live birth about 40 percent of the time.

At Minnesota clinics, that number's in the 50 to 60 percent range.

It goes without saying, the older the mom, the worse the chances unless you use donor eggs.

And infertility isn't always the woman's issue, with about a third of the time it's the woman, one-third of the time it's the man, and the rest of the time it's either both partners, or it can't be explained.

 

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