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Oct 28, 2009 11:04 pm US/Central
Minn. Mother Writes Book After Horrific Accident
(WCCO)
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She hopes her book will show others who are suffering through tragedy how faith can work miracles.
CBS
It was the worst night of her life. A mother was driving her van and accidentally killed her best friend and pastor's daughter. Four years later, Wendy Killian has written a book dedicated to the little girl and her parents.
She shares her painful spiritual journey through guilt, grief and hope.
It was a warm summer night after a Wednesday church service at Abundant Life church in Blaine. Killian was in her van saying goodbye to her best friends.
"My friend Greg brought his little girl, Joy, to my window to say goodbye to me. She was 2-years-old. She said goodbye to me and they went into the church," said Killian.
It was the last time she would ever see the toddler alive.
"As I pulled away, I drove about 5 feet and heard a thump," she said
Killian thought she hit the curb. She didn't. She accidentally ran over and killed her best friend's daughter.
"Everybody was screaming and I ran up to her and started praying and I said, 'God touch her. Do something.' Everyone was just frantic," she said.
Joy died instantly in front of the church entrance she apparently snuck out of.
"Her dad was walking around in panic and I kept saying 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I never saw her, I'm so sorry,'" said Killian.
Her best friend, Sarah, was helplessly kneeling next to her daughter's lifeless body.
"Sarah stood up, wrapped her arms around me and kept saying, 'Wendy, I love you and forgive you' over and over," said Killian.
However, Killian could not forgive herself for years.
"I would replay it in my mind and you hear the screams," said Killian. She said she struggled with thoughts of hopelessness and not wanting to live.
Meantime, her best friends that she met in church, Joy's parents, became more and more distant.
"The farther from the accident more the walls of grief went up and I couldn't get through to them," said Killian.
Overcome with guilt, grief and despair, Killian turned to her to help her cope.
"I got down on my knees and I would pray and cry and say, 'God, help me' and those thoughts would lift and I would feel free again." she said. "He gave me the strength to keep going."
Day by day, Killian said that God and the scripture soothed her tormented thoughts.
Killian said the process of trying to make peace lead her to write a book.
"I knew that I wanted to be able reach out to that person that is sitting in despair without hope because of an accident they're walking through that they didn't ask for," she said.
The book's title, "To Have Loved," reflects the love Killian feels for Joy and her parents.
"I would just like to tell them that I love them," she said.
She hopes her book will show others who are suffering through tragedy how faith can work miracles.
"There's hope that they can make it through this and not to give up because everything in you wants to give up," said Killian. "No matter what you're carrying in life, no matter what you're going through, that God is always there and he's always there to help us. If we're willing to hand him whatever we're carrying, he will give us peace and give us freedom."
Killian asked not to show pictures of Joy and her family and she changed their names to protect their privacy and avoid causing them any more pain.
The family doesn't live in Minnesota anymore.
(© MMIX, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.)
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