Good Question

Good Question: Is It Wrong To Play Favorites?

(WCCO) Every child has heard it, and every parent has said it, "I love my children all the same." However, when WCCO-TV's Jason DeRusha asked a dozen kids from Bemidji High School if their parents had a favorite, he got the same answer each time: Yes.

"I have two totally different relationships with each of them," said the mother of Adam and Eric. "But I love them equally, but not the same."

Because parents are human, it's not realistic to expect people to bottle up natural emotions.

"It's not wrong to have a favorite. It's wrong to act like you have a favorite," said Dr. Bill Doherty, a nationally-known parenting expert and a professor at the University of Minnesota.

"The liking, the feeling simpatico, the enjoying, of course that differs because each kid is different," he said.

According to Doherty, it can be damaging to children if parents do act on their favorites.

"Oh yeah, it can be damaging, particularly if the child feels that their left out of the affection, that they get to be the family scapegoat," said Doherty.

Some children like being the "bad kid," explained Doherty, because they value the attention that comes with being a rebel.

"That's why it's so complicated. Cause the good kid, the favorite kid, can also feel sometimes taken for granted because the parents are spending so much time and energy on the other kid," he added.

If children take the risk to confront their parents and complain about playing favorites, Doherty advises that parents take note.

"You need to take it seriously. Listen, and ask them for the documentation for it, and hold on to your defensiveness because there's a message here," he said.

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