Today's Most Popular Video
Jun 25, 2009 10:53 pm US/Central
Good Question: How Do Marriages Survive Affairs?
(WCCO)
Divorce and infidelity has been getting a lot of attention lately. From the governor of South Carolina to the parents of eight children on a reality show, it's hard not to think about how and why married people stay together. Can a marriage survive infidelity?
"I think some couples can recover and I think some couples cannot," said Laura Niewald, M.A., a licensed marriage therapist and owner of Clear Day Counseling in Minneapolis.
According to recent surveys, 22 percent of married men admit they've cheated at least once during the marriage; 15 percent of married women make the same admission.
"I'm an advocate for marriage. My position is that I will work on a marriage until they tell me to stop," said Niewald.
But it's not an easy process, taking time and energy from both people in the marriage. According to Niewald, the single-most important factor is whether the couple wants to work on their marriage. It's not as simple as it sounds.
"Included in that is a willingness to dialogue about hearing the hard truth," she said. "There's another issue underneath that caused the affair. There are some needs that aren't being met."
Also, the person involved in an affair has to be willing to put that affair on hold during the process of counseling. That's an obstacle for some couples, Niewald explained, because the cheater risks losing a spouse and a lover if things don't work out.
Niewald said that many people draw a line in the sand and say that they will never stay in a marriage when someone cheats.
But when the situation presents itself, "they might feel what they got is a rich history with spouse, and they've got children involved and a lot at stake. They might decide what they once thought was a deal-breaker, they're willing to work on it," said Niewald.
Data on people who stay in marriages where there's been infidelity is hard to come by, but one researcher claims that 64 percent of couples salvage their relationship despite an affair.
"Things will always be different," said Niewald. "But that could be a good thing. Sometimes that kind of change or crisis can really create a more lasting, deep connection."
However, "this has got to be off the table at some point. You can't go on for years and year of 'You hurt me,'" she added.
(© MMIX, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.)
Letters To Santa Sent To Sex Offender?
Click to enlarge
Stumble It!
Reporting
