Jan 10, 2008 11:02 pm US/Central
Good Question: Why Do Parents Choose Kid's Side?
(WCCO)
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In early January, researchers looking into teacher burn-out identified parents as the top cause.
CBS
When Eden Prairie High School suspended students for pictures that suggest they were drinking alcohol, some parents did what seems normal in 2008. They called lawyers.
"It's sort of a natural protective defense. When you're a parent you want to protect your child," said Tina Feigal, a St. Paul parenting coach. "I think our society changed, our society changed a lot."
Feigal points to an increasingly litigious society as part of the reason for the change in attitude, where many parents instinctively side with their children, even when those children have clearly done something wrong.
"Now we have rights for children that we didn't use to have. Excuse me for saying, now we have lawyers involved in defending kids against schools," she added.
In early January, researchers looking into teacher burn-out identified parents as the top cause.
"It unfortunately shows how self-involved and egotistical we have become," said Marcus Leab, a Twin Cities teacher. "It's the ME Generation gone horribly wrong."
When WCCO-TV solicited e-mail, there was no shortage of strong opinions.
"It seems parents these days do not want to admit to their own or their child's faults so they pass the blame on teachers, schools, other kids, other kids' parents, etc," wrote Ang Dezelske. "All I know is that parenting has changed over the generations and it's all just too soft on the kids anymore."
"Sometimes schools are wrong," said Paul Saarinen, a Minneapolis resident. "In this [Eden Prairie] incident, they are saying you're guilty until proven innocent. It's not an appropriate way to teach our children about our legal process."
Brock Dubbels is a teacher, he wrote, parents "defend their children to the hilt because they don't have any other sort of relationship and trust-building activities. In essence, they defend them because they do not spend time with them otherwise."
"I don't think it's either bad or good," added Feigal. "I just think that it's better to take the broad view, of what's causing my child's behavior that they're getting in trouble for at school right now."
However, Jason Barnett raised a counterpoint, questioning how prevalent this kind of parental behavior really is.
"How many parents actually blame schools? Is this incident an anomaly, or is there a real trend?" he wrote.
Feigal points out that the stakes are higher for parents today than they were 20 years ago. Many schools have zero-tolerance policies, and one black-mark for a student can cause problems on college applications.
Plus, many incidents end up in the media, and Feigal believes, that can cause parents to go into defense-mode.
"Absolutely, because their reputation can be ruined in a flash," she said.
"You know it's not always in the kids' best interest to defend them. Sometimes you can be an advocate for a kid and still call him or her on her behavior. That's being an advocate," she added.
(© MMIX, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.)
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